Apocalypse How

Apparently on Saturday we get to meet Jesus.  

This, of course, led me to do what every person does when they’re anticipating meeting someone. I Facebook stalked him.

Turns out there are a number of people on Facebook that go by the name Jesus Christ. Sadly, having never met him, I couldn't pick Him by His profile picture so I had to do some old fashioned stalking from the books I have in my library.  Which felt a lot more academic than the sinister joy of finding 256 of His photos that don’t have privacy restrictions on them.

I started out with Anne Rice’s ‘Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt’.  Mostly, what I learnt from this book was that when Jesus was young he once wished a kid dead and then brought him back to life when he got into trouble. Oh, and he made a bird out of clay and brought it to life. I once made a clay ocarina that looked like a bird. If we’re hard up for conversation maybe I’ll bring that up.

Then I tried ‘The Nun’s Story’.  I enjoyed this book a little too much so I also watched the movie. Bad move. Audrey Hepburn is way too hot to play a nun. How am I supposed to focus on Jesus when she is making the habit look sexy! I will avoid this topic with Jesus.

‘First Light’. For a book about Jesus he played more of a cameo roll! Maybe I can ask him what he was up to for most of that book.

After all of those I decided that maybe I should go straight to the source and picked up the Bible. I got to Deuteronomy and when he still hadn’t appeared I gave up. I don’t know how the Jews are still waiting!

Which leads me to my number one apocalyptic question:-

One on the signs of the end times and subsequent apocalypse is the rebuilding of the Temple. However, the Jewish people are awaiting the arrival of the Messiah (and most of them, I bet, made it to the end of the Old Testament. How disappointing for them when He still hadn’t appeared by the last page!) to rebuild the Temple. I’m told this is so He can clear up some questions they have regarding how big a cubit actually is. Or, if they are really lucky and other Rabbis are correct, after the coming of the Messiah the Temple will descend in fire from heaven already completely built which will save a lot of work. Not including the cleaning of a few scorch marks it may receive on the way down.

So, the Jewish people are still waiting for the first coming (which, in order to be expecting a second coming, must have already happened) but the Christians are relying on them to build the Temple to signal the beginning of end times.  Without another first coming, which obviously there can’t be, there will be no Temple, without a Temple there will be no sign of the end times, without a sign there is no apocalypse. So what exactly is supposed to be happening on Saturday?

If there is a simple answer, and I am sure there is, my second question is what should I wear!

To 'e' or not to 'e'

My partner has been known to have had some bad luck when it comes to choosing the perfect present. Often the present is so perfect that I had already bought it for myself. This birthday though, she was convinced she had hit the jackpot with my iPad. Five days later iPad 2 was unveiled.
 
I do love my iPad though. Who needs thinner, faster, better!

This has now generated a lot of discussion around the office about ebooks. Most refuse the thought of giving up the paper book, and I must admit that I was once one of them. But oh, the convenience! I now have all my uni reading on one 9.7 inch display that fits right into my handbag. Actually, I tell a lie. All my reading bar one text book. And won't that publisher be getting a nasty email from me - as soon as I can work out how to sync my email.
 
Then there is damn Amazon and their one click download. A few glasses of wine and a few clicks later I have a whole new e-library of books for which I didn't have to witness any of the monetary transaction.
 
I agree there is nothing like a good old fashioned paper book. Mostly though, I want convenience. I want it all, I want it now and I want it chiropractic approved. But that's a whole other e-story!
 

Parlez vous… that’s as far as I got.

I decided to enrol in a summer subject this year to make up some lost time. Before I attempted that though there were some pesky jobs that needed doing, like tidying the study. As it turns out I had already procrastinated enough to have failed on the enrolment so there was no need for it in the end. The only study being done this summer will be of the wine list at the local!

I did, however, come across a number of items that ought to make my library feel much better about itself.

There is the pinned, half cut out dress that I thought would be super easy to make. Turns out it was super easy to just buy one the next day. The cross stich of Tinker Bell with the one really wide leg. Apparently I can’t concentrate on a counted cross stitch pattern and I can’t be bothered fixing it. My self paced children’s writing correspondence course. Need I say more. And finally, the text books for the French class that I was enrolled in for one term. We went to most (well some) of the classes. I’ll tell you what I did finish every time though. The pint at the pub that we went to instead of class!

The BBC Top 100 - My Way!

What started out as a list of the UK’s top one hundred novels, as voted by the people, has now been purple-monkey-dishwashered into a list of one hundred books of which the BBC believes that most people will only have read six.

But why let the truth get in the way of a good story I say, let’s do the count up… and bang on. I have read six out of the one hundred. I have, however, read The Little Prince in both French and English. Does that count for anything? I also bought the movie for $9.95. Never finished watching it.

1.      The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald

2.      The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

3.      Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

4.      The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis

5.      Charlotte’s Web - EB White

6.      The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

Of course, as can only be expected - by read, I mean finished. There are another forty that I have started, bought or borrowed and never read.

I would love to commit to finishing this list, but there are a few problems.

Oliver Twist – the movie scared me as a child. Though my mother has now lovingly bought me two copies of the book. I don’t have the heart to tell her. Nor the stomach to read it.

Grapes of Wrath. As it turns out, not about a man with haemorrhoids.  Very hard to continue on with the plight of drought affected farmers when you were expecting donut pillows!

And don’t get me started on The Da Vinci Code. Not only did I not finish the book, I fell asleep during the movie. Twice.

Maybe I’ll start with Little Women. I may not be able to get past the opening credits of the movie without crying but I will just close my eyes during those bits when I read it!

Forgiveness

Our water bill arrived yesterday. I was horrified at how much water a 2.5 person household could use so I committed to cutting down our water usage. Starting with showers.

Shower time came. It was hot and it was long. Then I felt guilty.

This got me thinking about forgiveness. In order to be forgiven one must forgive. So it’s time.

Twilight.

A few years ago a friend told me to buy a fantastic book called Twilight.  She said ‘in fact, buy all three because once you start you won’t be able to put them down’. So I did. And I put them down.  For a long time. Eventually I was persuaded to pick them back up again in case they got better and I missed something. I wouldn’t have missed anything. As far as I can see it is about a girl who says ‘I don’t deserve you’ and a vampire who says ‘I have to protect you’.  For three whole books. Then the fourth book came out and I was forced to read it in case she died. She doesn’t die. That is a lot of wasted time.

Is there a patron saint of forgiving authors who have frustrated and wasted time? I am going to need all the help that I can for this one.

Here it goes.

Stephenie Meyer, I forgive you.

Dead Lines

Saving Franchesca, Melina Marchetta 

A Gathering Light Jennifer Donnelly

Hating Alison Ashley, Robin Klein

Charlotte’s Web, EB White 

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, JK Rowling

I hate the organised person’s grand piece of advice to the procrastinator. Just set yourself a dead line and stick to it.  Okay sure. Oi, you, fat kid over there. Just use your will power and don’t burry your face in that bowl of Smarties. Easy.

But this week I had a deadline and I didn’t set it myself. Consequently, I have ticked a number of books off the ‘to-read’ list.

I paid fifty cents for Charlotte’s Web two years ago at a Lions Club second hand book store set up in a shed.  Oh what an amazing day that was. There is nothing better than taking your pile of books up to the old man behind the counter and, after using a pencil to scribble down some numbers on a scrap of paper, he looks up at you and says ‘I am going to have to charge you twelve dollars for these love’. Oh, okay.

At the time of the purchase I thought I had already read Charlotte’s Web, but for fifty cents who could say no. At about page six things started to become a little new to me. Turns out I had watched the movie when I was younger and started to read the book, but never finished it. So unlike me. You will be pleased to know though, the pig lives.

Hating Alison Ashley, however, was one that I certainly had read as a kid. And loved. I was fixated with the name Erica for years after that book. Yet, as I was re-reading there was something that I couldn’t get out of my mind. Something that was really ruining the experiences for me. Delta Goodrem. After seeing the movie all I could picture was Delta Goodrem as Alison Ashley. How could they! They have managed to turn Alison Ashley into someone you hated to love - into someone you just hated.

Now why wasn’t that essay on a topic that I actually had an opinion about!

What would Nancy Drew do

One book down and one step closer to developing an argument. I even managed to read the essay question.

My words-per-day-calculation has followed its customary fashion.  Seven days to write 2500 words, that’s 350 words a day, highly doable… Four days to write 2500 words, that’s 625 words a day, quite doable… Two days to write 2500 words, that’s 1250 words a day, cancel all plans and eat cereal direct from the box only, but doable… One day to write 2500 words. Oh crap.  

Reading Half Moon Investigations reignited my childhood mystery sleuth envy. I always wanted to be Nancy Drew. She solved mysteries AND had a car. The closest I got though was a folded newspaper that I pretended was Penny’s computer book.  I made my sister pretend to be Brain and I would talk to her through my imaginary wristwatch communicator.  Of course we couldn’t be more that five metres apart from each other because the imaginary watch on my arm didn’t actually transmit messages. She would complain that it wasn’t fair that Penny got to have the computer book and the watch. I told her that Brain had all the exciting disguises though and she was satisfied. Sucker, Penny was way cooler! I think I have just worked out why I want an iPad so much.

But now it is time to ask What Would Nancy Drew Do and solve the mystery of the vanishing time.